


Okay, so I'm the dragon (Big Deal)

by Ro29



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Prequel Trilogy, Star Wars: The Clone Wars (2008) - All Media Types
Genre: Anakin Skywalker Needs a Hug, Anakin Skywalker makes shit decisions, Angst, Canon Compliant, F/M, Gen, Human Disaster Anakin Skywalker, Obi-Wan Kenobi Deserves Better, POV Second Person, Unreliable Narrator Anakin Skywalker, this is just pain, this is the Discord's fault
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-24
Updated: 2020-11-24
Packaged: 2021-03-09 19:22:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,501
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27691333
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ro29/pseuds/Ro29
Summary: There is a dragon in your chest, and it twists and roars and tries to tear itself out of your skin, wants to swallow the Masters whole.You are scared of it. You think it might swallowyouwhole one day, rip you open and spit you out.You want, desperately to be the hero.
Relationships: Anakin Skywalker & Shmi Skywalker, Obi-Wan Kenobi & Anakin Skywalker, Padmé Amidala/Anakin Skywalker, Sheev Palpatine | Darth Sidious & Darth Vader
Comments: 25
Kudos: 55
Collections: New SW Canon Server Works





	Okay, so I'm the dragon (Big Deal)

**Author's Note:**

> title is from richard siken's 'litany in which certain things are crossed out'
> 
> this is all the Discords fault and I want it on record I am completely blameless kjdfslklj
> 
> Anyways <3 <3 love you all sorry this is a rambling mess sdjlksdjf

In the stories people tell, the heroes win and the monsters die or suffer.

You are little and despite what your mama tells you, you are sure you are the monster.

You must be, why else would you be born to suffer?

There is a dragon in your chest, and it twists and roars and tries to tear itself out of your skin, wants to swallow the Masters whole.

You are scared of it. You think it might swallow _you_ whole one day, rip you open and spit you out.

You want, desperately to be the hero.

The dragon growls and you do not cry.

* * *

The Jedi come, and you think that maybe you aren’t the monster. Maybe you’ll get to be the hero who saves your mama and everyone else.

You think that, maybe if you're not the hero, then at least you’ll be a good guy.

Maybe one day you’ll slay the dragon, kill the monster.

Maybe you will need to rend yourself apart for it, tear the dragon out of you and offer your hands up, open and full of the bloodied monster, let the dragon eat it and burn it out of you.

You will be the hero, or at least the good guy, trick the dragon after it rips you apart and makes you good. Stab it, run it through with a sword and let those parts of you die.

You sit, newly freed, no chip active. Sand no longer surrounds you, but is still pressed into the bone of your past. Whittling you away.

There is a monster chasing you and you wonder whether they offered all of their good parts to their dragon, if their dragon ate them up and burnt them alive and spit them back out.

You wonder if they know that they’re a monster.

(They must not. After all, everyone knows that heroes win and monsters suffer and lose.

Monsters get what they deserve.)

* * *

They don’t want you, there is fire in your blood and sand in your bones and they don’t want you.

They see you and they think monster, you know it, and so it has to be true.

You are a monster with a dragon stirring and clawing it’s way up your throat. A scream building and bubbling and ripping you apart

You all leave, and Obi-Wan looks at you like he is lost and drowning and you don’t see why.

_He_ wasn’t the one who was told he was a monster.

He was told he was ready to advance, to be a _hero_ , you are furious and shaking with it.

Water trickles down your cheeks and you hiss, rub at your face until it burns like your blood inside you.

You are a monster, the least you can do is save your water.

(You might hate him a little in that moment, want to let the dragon swallow you both whole.

Your mama’s voice whispers to you to be kind and you can’t ask her how, because she isn’t here.)

* * *

You help save the day and you are good. You are a _hero_.

You help Padmé save her people and she is a _queen_ and you feel like you are flying, like you are soaring in the air and never going to come down.

You beat the dragon, for now, you aren’t a monster, you’re a _hero_.

You know for sure you aren’t a monster, because the Jedi kill monsters, cut them to pieces and die while doing it.

(Qui-Gon Jinn is gone, and now it’s just Obi-Wan, who you think might be fighting his dragon.

You wonder if he has learned how to live with the burning, with the tearing and the roaring.

You look at how sad he is, how lost he looks.

You don’t think he has.)

You’re the hero now though, you think maybe you can help him.

You think maybe you two will keep each other from being monsters.

* * *

(Did you feed all of the bad in you to your dragon, your tiny voice asks.

What dragon? Obi-Wan replies, and you never speak of it again.

You are too new to each other, and by the time you fall into some sort of step, it’s been too long.)

* * *

You are in love with Padmé, and love is beautiful and love pokes the dragon, love makes you drown, love makes you sing, love, love, love, and all of this is love.

You love her with all of your heart, you want her, you want to love her and keep her and make her yours.

You are in love with her and she is in love with you and everything is perfect, except, except, except—

Except someone is trying to kill her and your mother keeps dying in your dreams and Obi-Wan is slipping away from your grasp and you are clinging and holding tight and—

Your mother is dead and you are breathing fire. You are the dragon and the dragon is you and your mother is dead, she is dead and they _hurt_ her and you are ripping them apart and basking in it.

You are tearing them apart and burning alive and you can’t bring yourself to care about anything other than the fact that your mother is dead.

* * *

The dragon doesn’t settle.

You don’t settle.

Obi-Wan is in trouble.

You bare your teeth, blood drips drips drips off of your hands in imaginary, invisible patterns.

The only blood on your hands is your mothers.

(The rest of it is ashes.)

You are the hero.

* * *

The Chancellor smiles at you and you are steady.

You are not the monster.

You are the General, the hero.

In the stories you are told, the ones you will tell your baby when they come into the world, the heroes always win, and the monsters always get what they deserve.

This is the right thing to do. There are bodies on the ground and you can still hear Windu’s screams, but that doesn’t matter anymore.

You can save Padmé and the baby, you are right in this.

The Chancellor smiles, and you know you are right. The dragon in your chest shifts, curls, breathes fire through your veins.

You are the hero and it is the easiest thing in the world to kneel.

* * *

There is blood in your mouth and coating your tongue, it could be the blood of the children you killed, but how could it have splattered into your mouth? Tiny bodies with tiny hands and giant wounds.

There is blood in your mouth and dripping down your hands. It could be from biting your cheek open, teeth digging into flesh and tearing out a sacrifice. It could be from tiny fingers clawing desperately at you as the light seeps out of the galaxy.

You are the hero, you tell yourself, rip tiny hands from your cloak and wipe blood from your face, from your hands.

You are not the monster here. You know that, Padmé will agree with you, and Obi-Wan, they'll see. You know they will.

The dragon stirs in your chest and you breathe, you are the hero in this story.

The heroes always win.

* * *

You are burning alive, you are being ripped open and torn to pieces.

You are the dragon and you are the sacrifice.

You scream and curse and Obi-Wan stands there and looks down at you and you want nothing more than to bite into his heart and rip it out. Exchange it for your own because he should suffer for this, he should feel how you feel.

He should regret.

You don’t know where Padmé or the baby are, you don’t know. You don’t remember, all you know is love, love, love, and then the dragon roaring in your ears and filling your chest and then burning.

You look at Obi-Wan and you bare your teeth, he leaves and you lay there and kill the parts of you that were him, the parts of you that were weak, let this happen.

(You think you hear babies crying and you kill that part of you too.

There is no hero's end, no happy ending, no love and no children.

You are the monster and you fed all the parts of you that knew love to the dragon until it swallowed you whole.

You were right, when you were tiny and convinced you were a monster.

You always were.)

* * *

The dragon rips its way out of you, tears and burns and strangles you.

You breathe, you don't need to be the hero anymore.

You’re the monster now.

But that’s alright, monsters get what they deserve.

And the Galaxy doesn’t need heroes anymore.

You stand by your Master's side and watch as Padmé’s corpse and the baby, your love and your baby, are paraded in front of everyone.

The Jedi are dead, your baby is dead, your wife is dead.

You breathe, and the dragon is quiet.

Obi-Wan is alive.

(The dragon is quiet and the monster screams.)

**Author's Note:**

> ahahaha :')
> 
> If you want to find me other places I have a [writing tumblr](https://rose-blooms-red.tumblr.com) and a [fandom tumblr](https://themessofthecentury.tumblr.com)
> 
> Please come yell at me about Star Wars and DC!


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